Today I wanted to discuss how I transformed from the girl who thought every single person was out to get her to the girl who is possibly a bit too trusting but kinder and mindful of others.
So, how did this happen??
As anything that is big, this was NOT an overnight process and some days it’s something that I truly have to fight. My old ways of thinking always pop their head up to remind me they’re there. However it’s in my control to let those thoughts back into my life or not.
I think my attitude really started to change when I became more open about my experiences and then others spoke to me about theirs. This REALLY opened my eyes up to the fact that no, the world wasn’t against me. Bad stuff happened to everybody, despite them keeping it so well hidden.
It was then that I just started feeling sad that we all have all this different s**t going on, yet we all put on these masks and act like everything is okay. We could all in fact help each other so much by sharing our experiences and troubles, yet we all feel so ashamed about the things that have gone on behind closed doors.
Nobody should ever have to feel alone and this is what gets to me. There’s no shame in reaching out for help, advice or even a chat to let it out.
I have regrets, many of them. I was very selfish at times and I wasn’t there for friends who needed me. I’ve never been perfect and I am definitely not now.
The truth is, I’ve made many mistakes and I continue to make them. What’s helped me to move forward from those mistakes is to learn from them and actually make a change in my ways to avoid making them again.
Also, many people inspired me through social media etc to be more open and mindful of others. I would give them a mention but I’d probably seem crazy as I barely know them!!
Along the “transformation” I definitely learnt that just because I’d been flowing through a crappy river (going with the flow through the crap) didn’t mean I couldn’t get out of that river and find another one. AKA sometimes it’s okay to go with the flow, sometimes you have the power to pick your ‘flow’. It’s up to you.
One thing I noticed was that a lot of my negative emotions and hate actually stemmed from jealousy, how ridiculous is that?? I was jealous of other people – their lives, possessions, appearance – when the funny thing was, I was wasting that energy on not changing my own life.
This brings me to the realisation that I spent SO much time and energy feeling sorry for myself rather than trying to better myself.
I’ve definitely learnt to appreciate the people I once got jealous over, I work on using that to understand what it is that I feel is missing from my current life. Jealousy is normal, I still get jealous now, but the difference is I’ve learnt to channel the jealousy differently, by not being hateful but grateful (that wasn’t meant to rhyme..) for the positive influence people can actually have.
From previous experiences, I would definitely approach new people thinking they were out to get me and wouldn’t like me for me. When this definitely is not the case. Some people are going to like you and some people aren’t, and vice versa for yourself. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
People are kinder than you think, it’s actually a minority that aren’t. Nine times out of ten, the people I’ve met over the past couple of months have been so lovely.
I know myself, fear of rejection has held me back from making new friends. I push myself at every opportunity to give people a chance, rather than brush them off thinking they’ll be like people I’ve met in the past towards me. The thing is, everybody is so so different. Nobody is the same – you can’t expect every person to treat you the same, good or bad.
Changing ourselves is a process that takes time and work, BUT – every single one of us is capable of changing our ways. I sincerely hope that this post doesn’t look like I’m trying to big myself up, because that is not my intention! Like I’ve said before, I am not perfect and I still have a long way to go and even then I won’t be deemed as perfect and that’s okay.
We are all in control of our actions, no we can’t stop good or bad things from happening to us but we can stop ourselves. If we can’t it’s time to reach out for some help – and there’s nothing wrong with that either.
Hope this has helped you, reading this, in some way or another! Thank you for reading.
Ciao for now x